Flying- A Quick Drive-By Post

Lessons my 2 year old teaches me- 

Sometimes I lay on my back and put my kid on my legs and let him fly like superman. I sing the "I'm flying" song from Peter Pan.  He loves this and laughs like only a 2 year old can laugh.
Sometimes he asks for it. So he walks around saying "I FLY! I FLY! MOMMY- I FLY"
He says it loud and proud.  He doesn't ask, he demands. Not rudely, but with joy.
The metaphor here is too huge and weird and complex to even put into words. But I can say that hearing him walk around announcing "I FLY" makes my heart feel full. It makes me smile. It makes me think I am doing something right with this little man.

The Winter IS My Discontent

Winter, man. Winter.

When I was teaching I would freak out once a semester on a class for being low energy or apathetic, usually with some form of "Look, if I can get my ass out of bed and get here and be this FUCKING PERKY, then you can too!  So PULL IT TOGETHER!" Teaching moment of the year? Probably not. But it always happened and usually in the winter.  Winter, man.

Melancholy. Or maybe A Bit Touched. Or even Kinda Crazy. I embrace these terms more than the contemporary diagnosis of Depression. "Depression" is a weather pattern or an area on a topography map. The thing that invades my body has got a little more poetry than that. Teaching was good for me on many levels, but mostly because it forced me to model behavior that I knew was healthy. Even when I REALLY didn't want to. And THAT is what sucks about being a grown-up. I have done the work. I have learned the tools. I know what is wrong with me and how to fix. No more mystery. No more wondering what is wrong with me. No more excuses for self-medication or sleep marathons or 48 hours of bad television and endless crying jags. But that is not the end of our heroine's tale. No. Every morning is the beginning of a NEW adventure. A NEW mountain to climb or hole to dig out of. And that work isn't easy.

Luckily, I am a Pros vs. Cons kind of girl. And the Pros of doing the work, mental and physical, of getting out of bed and saying YES to the day and YES to the world so far outweigh the cons that usually it's an easy choice.  I can usually talk myself into making my lists or prioritizing or giving thanks or whatever it is I need to do that particular morning to motivate me towards forward movement.

But being a grown-up and doing the work also means I can also forgive myself now for those days I just take my son into bed and watch the snow fall and know we aren't going to leave the house today. Not once.  And I will let him watch some bad television with me despite the warnings from the American Pediatric Association. And lunch is going to be whatever he will eat cold from the fridge or room temperature from a box.

Because tomorrow will be better. Because I know how to make it so. Because I know I can. Winter or no.