July 3 Adventures in Gardening

 
How's your Garden, SPJ? SO GLAD YOU ASKED! Look!!

 Front garden has lavender, roses, salvia, lettuce, hot peppers and summer squash thriving. Had a killer radish harvest (fairly sure using "killer" in reference to a radish harvest is not what the coiners of that phrase had in mind).  The carrots and onions remain to be seen. Spinach was my big bust.

 

In back,  a tomato plant that is thriving, a green pepper plant that is on life support and corn. Yep. corn. How can I call myself a wannabe homesteader if I don't try corn. Dogs and child keep running it over. Don't they recognize a crop when they see one! This yard isn't just for fun and games, ya know!

And the big winner? WEEDS. And not the fun kind. At least once I day I contemplate if all those chemicals in the weed killer are really so bad for my kid and dogs. Come on! How bad can they be? Grrr. Back to weeding. And not the fun kind.

Canning and Preserving- A Parent's Tale

I heard you started canning and preserving things. Is that true?

Why yes. The rumors are true. I distinctly remember being about 25 and broke and in the midst of tech for a show and embroiled in some existential twenty something crisis and turning on the television to see Martha Stewart giving a tutorial on canning tomatoes. I shouted at the tv some version of "WHAT!?! WHO the FUCK has time CAN TOMATOES!?! ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?!?!"  And now I know exactly who has time to can things- parents who are seeking...something.  Something permanent. Because raising a child is incredible and beautiful and one of the most amazing jobs a person can have, but my child is not a product. Heck, I don't even really believe this little soul I am caring for is really "mine" I have been charged with taking care of him. Protecting him. Helping him. Teaching him. And being a guide on his journey through his one wild and crazy life.  There is no clear beginning, middle and end.  Being a parent seems to be about living in a constant liminal state, constantly on the threshold of...something. So I started making jam. Because there is something really appealing these days about taking something I watch grow, cooking it and then putting it in a jar to save. Also I am secretly preparing for my fantasy artists' commune where selling jam and preserves from our organic garden will be a large source of our income. So, here is my first attempt- watermelon rind preserves!

Wanted to practice on something I wasn't worried about ruining. Too bad parenting doesn't have that option.

May 9- Adventures in Gardening

So the bad news- remember that garden plot out back that I weeded and started building garden boxes for? The one I planted garlic and onions in last fall for the spring/summer. Yeah, well it floods.

YIKES!

So while we figure that out, I have moved to gardening along the side of the house.

Herb and Veggie Garden #1

The good news is that I have been re-funneling my need/desire to plot and plan my life into plotting and planning my garden. Guess what? Planning a garden actually makes gardening easier than my previous method of wandering around farmer's markets and Home Depot getting "inspired".

Let the adventure begin!

Laying Low

Oh Hello Gentle Readers. (And by "readers" I mean Addie and my mother-in-law.) It's been a while, yes? Yes. And...and...I don't really know why.

Yes I do. It's because I have been hanging the metaphorical ice rings of my life and waiting patiently. These are two things I suck royally at doing. I love proces!. I love planning! I love constant motion and moving forward! I love setting goals upon goals!

And when I sit down to to write, I start to explore and process and plan and try to figure out the next big step of my life. If I write it down, I can make it happen. And isn't a blog ultimately a way to put into the ethos our hopes and dreams and battle our fears and despair with a supportive, but delightfully invisible audience cheering us on? Ooooh! Oooh! It's my dream! Process, planning, making goals AND an audience silently cheering me on!? YES! YES!

NO.

Stop.

Step away from the computer.

I have numerous posts, started, but unfinished because I couldn't just share a snapshot of my day. I couldn't just be. I had to yes and, yes and, yes and until even the most simple post became convoluted and weird. (more so than normal).

So let's keep this simple, okay.
For the past few months I have been being a Mom, a Wife, an Educator (got a part-time job), and a Maker of Theatre (got some lovely short-term opportunities). I like doing all of these things. I am happy. And I am practicing feeling at peace with this. I am practicing feeling that Me, just Me without any Bells or Whistles, is enough.

Step away from the computer.

Flying- A Quick Drive-By Post

Lessons my 2 year old teaches me- 

Sometimes I lay on my back and put my kid on my legs and let him fly like superman. I sing the "I'm flying" song from Peter Pan.  He loves this and laughs like only a 2 year old can laugh.
Sometimes he asks for it. So he walks around saying "I FLY! I FLY! MOMMY- I FLY"
He says it loud and proud.  He doesn't ask, he demands. Not rudely, but with joy.
The metaphor here is too huge and weird and complex to even put into words. But I can say that hearing him walk around announcing "I FLY" makes my heart feel full. It makes me smile. It makes me think I am doing something right with this little man.

The Winter IS My Discontent

Winter, man. Winter.

When I was teaching I would freak out once a semester on a class for being low energy or apathetic, usually with some form of "Look, if I can get my ass out of bed and get here and be this FUCKING PERKY, then you can too!  So PULL IT TOGETHER!" Teaching moment of the year? Probably not. But it always happened and usually in the winter.  Winter, man.

Melancholy. Or maybe A Bit Touched. Or even Kinda Crazy. I embrace these terms more than the contemporary diagnosis of Depression. "Depression" is a weather pattern or an area on a topography map. The thing that invades my body has got a little more poetry than that. Teaching was good for me on many levels, but mostly because it forced me to model behavior that I knew was healthy. Even when I REALLY didn't want to. And THAT is what sucks about being a grown-up. I have done the work. I have learned the tools. I know what is wrong with me and how to fix. No more mystery. No more wondering what is wrong with me. No more excuses for self-medication or sleep marathons or 48 hours of bad television and endless crying jags. But that is not the end of our heroine's tale. No. Every morning is the beginning of a NEW adventure. A NEW mountain to climb or hole to dig out of. And that work isn't easy.

Luckily, I am a Pros vs. Cons kind of girl. And the Pros of doing the work, mental and physical, of getting out of bed and saying YES to the day and YES to the world so far outweigh the cons that usually it's an easy choice.  I can usually talk myself into making my lists or prioritizing or giving thanks or whatever it is I need to do that particular morning to motivate me towards forward movement.

But being a grown-up and doing the work also means I can also forgive myself now for those days I just take my son into bed and watch the snow fall and know we aren't going to leave the house today. Not once.  And I will let him watch some bad television with me despite the warnings from the American Pediatric Association. And lunch is going to be whatever he will eat cold from the fridge or room temperature from a box.

Because tomorrow will be better. Because I know how to make it so. Because I know I can. Winter or no.

Practicing What I Preach

January 13, 2013

So...what's next?

Ice Ring in the Freezer

The sad, sad tale of the ice ring in my freezer. Told through a series of vignettes with my husband...

December 3, 2012
Husband: Honey what the hell is in the freezer?
Me: I went to Trader Joe's today and...
H: No. No. The pan with ice.
Me: Oh. That's our Winter Ice Ring.
H: Am I supposed to know what that is?
Me: I decided that's going to be a tradition. As a start to the winter Holiday season, M & I went on walk to gather winter swag to put in our ice ring. We made it and now we will hang it up out front as a start to the holidays. It's going to be our thing. I did most of it this year, but he can help more and more as he gets older.
H: Okay. That's sweet. When are you hanging it up?
Me: First day of Hanukkah

December 10, 2012
Husband: Babe, you know your ice ring is still in the freezer.
Me: I know. I know. I totally flaked. We are going to hang it up the LAST night of Hanukkah instead.

December 18, 2012
Husband: Honey, can I toss this ice ring?
Me: NO! NO!! Stop!! I am going to hang it up!!
H: Okay, but Hanukkah is over and it takes up a whole shelf in our fridge.
Me: I know! I know! But we're going to hang it up this week before your family gets in town for Christmas.

December 24, 2012
Husband: Hey, did the ice ring melt?
Me: No. UGH! I tried to hang it up today, but I couldn't reach the branch on the tree out front and then I tried in the bushes, but it broke and shattered. So I remade it. It will be frozen tomorrow.
H: Uh..okay...but why did you remake it?
Me: BECAUSE IT IS OUR "THING"!! Look this is important to me. We need traditions as a family. Maybe this happened for a reason. Maybe your nieces can help tomorrow and instead of a start to the holiday season it can be something the kids all do together? Isn't that cute?
H: (pause. pause.) Yes. Cute. Okay. So tomorrow?
Me: Yes. Tomorrow. I swear.

December 30, 2012
Husband: No no son. Don't touch Mommy's Ice Ring. It lives in the freezer now. Forever.
Me: Don't be a smart ass. I am hanging it up January 1. It's a beautiful way to start the New Year. Dontcha think?
H: (silence)

January 5, 2012
Husband: Oh look an Ice Ring in the freezer!
Me: (silence)
H: This is nuts. I am tossing this.
Me: NO! Don't you dare.

 My New Years Resolution is simple and not so simple.

I am awesome at embracing process. I thrive in process.I thrive in possibility. I struggle finding the end.  I shun the completion of anything because I fear realizing what I could have done better and being unable to change it. I fear what comes next.  I am the queen of "Yes, and...", but sometimes life calls for  "yes" or "no".
This year I am going to practice hanging up the fucking Ice Ring.